terms of service /never have I ever

I've given thought, although I can't boast "much thought" because that would be a falicy, to actually reading the terms of service in any or all or maybe just one of the agreements that I blindly agree to when I set up a new interenet account on one of any of the sites that I visit and decide to join. I think they may all say the same things, but how would I really know, for after all I have never read even the first word of any of the terms of service(TOS) agreements that I have contracted myself to.

If forced to open a link in order to fool my computer into computing that I have read the TOS, then I will open that link and proceed to boldly scroll to the bottom of the page ( I have been called recklessly bold) in order to sign my name aka check the box labled I have read and agree to your TOS.

Will I one day be called upon to serve in a militia, eat fourteen pounds of uncooked okra, or sacrifice my first born in order to satisfy the TOS that I so plainly stated that I had read. Or is it common knowledge that no one has ever read or will read the TOS for any web service because in truth- we trust the fact that they have a TOS to mean that they are indeed an upstanding web service.

I think I will draft my own TOS for personal encounters and insist that when we enter into conversations( me and anyone) that a preliminary step to conversation for whomever I am speaking with is to read and sign my TOS and then we can begin trading words.

Me: please read an sign my TOS.
Them: what the F#*k is wrong with you?
Me: (sitting quitely staring at the person until they sign)
Them:(leaving)